Neutral

I have learned so much about myself over the past few months...1.  It takes time for me to process things...Example:  My eldest tells me they got a position at a church in Indiana.  I was not happy...it was not bittersweet...I was bitter...plain and simple.  I was hurt and angry.  I didn't want them to go for multiple reasons.  She came into my room one day and was so excited and wanting to talk about it...I was not nice...I told her I didn't want to talk about it...that I had to process it.  It took several weeks for me to work through it...God was gracious and patient with me, and finally helped me to be happy for her and her family.  So when they left yesterday for Indiana I was able to be happy for their opportunity to minister and do what God has called them to do.  I also need to give others time to process.  I have learned that sometimes processing is not an easy thing, especially if what you are processing is not something you want...but sometimes God has other plans and I have to let go and let God have control. 

2.  I have decided that I am too serious.  I have a friend that I work with that I greatly admire...she knows how to laugh.  My Daddy was a hemophiliac and was not expected to live beyond early manhood.  But God had other plans.  Growing up my family laughed and had a good time but there were lots of serious times and I had to grow up quickly.  Over the years, I think I have become to serious.  God has reminded me over and over the last few months of Proverbs 17:22 - "A happy heart heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones"...The song says, A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, like a medicine is a merry heart, but a broken heart drieth out the bones, drieth out the bones, is a broken heart.  So, I am praying that God will remind me daily to laugh and help me to have a cheerful mind that brings healing. 

Plus, Philippians 4:4-7: "Always be full of joy in the Lord.  I say it again--Rejoice!  Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do.  Remember, the Lord is coming soon.  Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."  This is the cry of my heart!

3.  I also realize that you cannot put God in a box.  I allowed something someone said to make me question if I hear the voice of God.  That was an extremely difficult period of time.  However, God in His great love showed me without question that I heard His voice.  I have learned that satan attacks in different ways, but one thing I know...God is faithful!  He confirmed to me that I do indeed hear His voice...He showed me that I was not to put Him in a box...that I did not need to lean unto my own understanding or anyone else's understanding but I needed to trust Him...Mighty God, I do trust you!

4.  Laying down a ministry recently was also very difficult...something I did not totally understand...it sent me into another tail spend...I am telling you...the last few months have been enormously difficult...lol...but a learning experience for me.  Now, I realize I am in neutral, waiting for the next step...the next phase of my life...excited about what God has in store...Trusting Him to show me what to do next and asking Him to show me what doors to knock on and asking Him to open the right door and close all the others. 

Neutral...yes that is were I am at right now...it is not a bad place to be...at least now it isn't.  I can assure you that getting to this place was not an easy task.  I thank my God that He was with me...and was patient and loving to me during this time.  I am finally at peace...knowing my life and my future are in my heavenly Father's hands. 

Love thru Adoption

Hello all!  This is my first time to actually write about adoption…but I have talked and told my story to many over the years.  My eldest daughter, Gidget, asked me to please but it in words, so here goes.

In 1988, I was working at a health food store.  One day, the owners daughter came in and was talking about how she had found a home for her unborn niece.  She was so excited because the baby was going to be aborted if she had not found a home for it.  I was overwhelmed.  I was excited that the baby was not being aborted but I was so distressed because for whatever reason I felt the baby was supposed to be mine.   I went home and cried and cried.  I told my husband that I felt that our baby had just been stolen from us.  I had friends who had adopted, and nothing had every affected me this way before.  But the feeling never left.  Then one day, my boss, came in and said that her daughter was upset because the people that had first said they would adopt the baby had changed their minds.  I looked at her immediately and said, “We will take the baby.”  She asked, “What will Tim say?”   I replied, “He will say YES!”  She set up a meeting with us with the biological parents within the week.  We met with them on my husband’s birthday.   They told us they would call us by the end of the month to let us know one way or another.  They called us the very next day and told us they felt we were supposed to have the baby.  Of course, I already knew that…God had already spoken to my heart.

I took the biological mother to the doctor on a regular basis.  She went into premature labor several times before giving birth to our youngest daughter.  I knew every time she had the premature labor.  God would wake me up during the night with labor pains.  I would go by the next day to check on her and she would give me a strange look and would say, “How did you know?”  I would always reply, God woke me up with labor pains.  When they called to tell us that our youngest daughter was fixing to come into the world, my husband had just started his vacation that would last for 16 days.  We lived further from the hospital than they did…but we beat them to the hospital.  We even stopped and picked up our oldest daughter from school.

I was in the room when my youngest daughter, Autumn Skye Kelley, was born.  She was a month premature, she came into the world weighing 5 pounds and 5 ½ ounces and was 15 inches long.  She was beautiful.  The doctor put her into my arms…the biological mother smiled…and said, “I make pretty babies,” I replied, “Yes, you do.”  (By the way, her initials spell ASK…we asked God for her a long time…we did not realize what her initials spelled until a friend of ours pointed it out…God works in mysterious ways).

Twenty –three hours later as we were leaving the hospital…the biological parents came by to see our daughter one last time…the biological mother looked at me and said, “You have a beautiful baby girl there.”  I replied, “Yes, yes I do,” and smiled at her. 

My youngest is now 23 years old.  She is such a blessing as both my girls are.  My eldest is flesh of my flesh…my youngest flesh of my spirit.  I love them both!  My youngest has met her biological parents and was even their brides maid at their wedding a few years ago.  She has also met her biological brother and grew up knowing and visiting her biological grandparents.  Am I concerned?  No, she has plenty of love to go around…plus, God birthed her into my spirit…and she will always be my daughter.  I so recommend adoption to anyone…but only if you have love to give…unconditional love…both my girls know I love them and I am so blessed to be their Momma!