Neutral

I have learned so much about myself over the past few months...1.  It takes time for me to process things...Example:  My eldest tells me they got a position at a church in Indiana.  I was not happy...it was not bittersweet...I was bitter...plain and simple.  I was hurt and angry.  I didn't want them to go for multiple reasons.  She came into my room one day and was so excited and wanting to talk about it...I was not nice...I told her I didn't want to talk about it...that I had to process it.  It took several weeks for me to work through it...God was gracious and patient with me, and finally helped me to be happy for her and her family.  So when they left yesterday for Indiana I was able to be happy for their opportunity to minister and do what God has called them to do.  I also need to give others time to process.  I have learned that sometimes processing is not an easy thing, especially if what you are processing is not something you want...but sometimes God has other plans and I have to let go and let God have control. 

2.  I have decided that I am too serious.  I have a friend that I work with that I greatly admire...she knows how to laugh.  My Daddy was a hemophiliac and was not expected to live beyond early manhood.  But God had other plans.  Growing up my family laughed and had a good time but there were lots of serious times and I had to grow up quickly.  Over the years, I think I have become to serious.  God has reminded me over and over the last few months of Proverbs 17:22 - "A happy heart heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones"...The song says, A merry heart doeth good, like a medicine, like a medicine is a merry heart, but a broken heart drieth out the bones, drieth out the bones, is a broken heart.  So, I am praying that God will remind me daily to laugh and help me to have a cheerful mind that brings healing. 

Plus, Philippians 4:4-7: "Always be full of joy in the Lord.  I say it again--Rejoice!  Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do.  Remember, the Lord is coming soon.  Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."  This is the cry of my heart!

3.  I also realize that you cannot put God in a box.  I allowed something someone said to make me question if I hear the voice of God.  That was an extremely difficult period of time.  However, God in His great love showed me without question that I heard His voice.  I have learned that satan attacks in different ways, but one thing I know...God is faithful!  He confirmed to me that I do indeed hear His voice...He showed me that I was not to put Him in a box...that I did not need to lean unto my own understanding or anyone else's understanding but I needed to trust Him...Mighty God, I do trust you!

4.  Laying down a ministry recently was also very difficult...something I did not totally understand...it sent me into another tail spend...I am telling you...the last few months have been enormously difficult...lol...but a learning experience for me.  Now, I realize I am in neutral, waiting for the next step...the next phase of my life...excited about what God has in store...Trusting Him to show me what to do next and asking Him to show me what doors to knock on and asking Him to open the right door and close all the others. 

Neutral...yes that is were I am at right now...it is not a bad place to be...at least now it isn't.  I can assure you that getting to this place was not an easy task.  I thank my God that He was with me...and was patient and loving to me during this time.  I am finally at peace...knowing my life and my future are in my heavenly Father's hands.